Herman: John L. Herman Jr., Author

Funny Failures

When I bought my gas station many years ago from George, also known as “The Fat Man”, I wanted to impress my early morning customers and increase business by giving away free coffee with a fill-up. Now, this was long before Starbucks, so this shows I was thinking.

The office area was typical vintage 1950’s size…a small desk area, a few vending machines for cigarettes and candy, and a few shelves to display small items a customer could buy. But this was in 1982. And by then we knew cigarettes would kill you, so even though I was a business owner, I decided not to be a death merchant…so out went the cigarette machine. In went a small table where I could put the newly purchased coffee urn, which held about 30 cups of coffee at one time. And the candy machine which hadn’t been used in years by George was cleaned and new candy ordered. Since I was a big fan of TastyKake products, several of the spots in the vending machine were dedicated to Butterscotch Krimpets and other delicious bakery products, highly profitable, and right there for customers to be tempted as they reached for their free coffee.

OOOO Baby, the money would be rolling in soon. Now, George didn’t know what to make of all this. He just sold gas, and kept the soda machine full, as that was his addiction. Along comes the college graduate teaching him about making profit from your customer by giving something away. George hung around with me every morning because he was used to getting up early, and with my money filling his pockets from the sale he didn’t feel the need to get a job yet.

So, late one night I filled the candy machine. Fresh Three Muskateer Bars, Milky Way Bars, and those TastyKakes. The coffee pot was placed on the table ready to be filled, and I even rented a blinking light sign out by the street announcing the free coffee service starting at 6AM the next morning. By then my venture had cost me several hundred dollars but wow, the customers would love it.

George was waiting for me the next morning, he wanted to see how well my marketing plan would work. I unlocked the front door and walked in the office and noticed a problem right away. The candy and cakes displayed in the window of the vending machine had all been ripped open and were partially eaten. Little scraps of paper were on the floor in front of the place where the product dropped out when you purchased an item. I was in shock. George was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. Seems that my first customer was very satisfied. It was obvious from George’s laughter he knew what was up. You see, he stopped filling the vending machine because he knew the mice would come calling before the paying customers did. George just couldn’t stop laughing as I came to the realization that I was beaten by a mouse. The little bastard ate some of every item in the display window.

While I fumed about being beaten George just kept laughing. I didn’t join him until a few days later. The mailman handed me an envelope addressed to Herman…inside was a card, actually a thank-you note. The scribbled message said, “Thanks Herman for my Tasty Break…the candy was good too…signed Mickey Mouse.” George watched and almost blew his guts out laughing now…and my frustration and anger disappeared as even I couldn’t help but laugh at that. The mouse, and George, had gotten the last laugh.

Not all of your ideas will be brilliant. Sometimes we have to see the humor in our failures.

• Posted: 4 January 2008
• Comments: 1
• Category: Business failure

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