Herman: John L. Herman Jr., Author

Confidence...Where Does It Come From?

It must start when we are very young and our parents or caretakers laugh like crazy at everything we do. We roll over…they laugh with glee…we waddle along and they go nuts clapping…and then we get a little older and realize how we can manipulate them to get what we want. So we master the task of doing something and getting the outcome of our desire. And boom…our confidence soars.

Soon we are walking and talking and confidence just keeps growing. As we get to play groups or pre-school we start to experience resistance to our cuteness. Because of two things…there is competition and the new caretakers are not so in love with us as our family so it becomes harder to get the result we want. The little tykes who figure this out first get the confidence back quicker that was lost when we entered the world of other kids.

Skipping ahead to when that first girl paid any attention to you…thank you Joan Gipe…and you are on your way. Keep gaining attention and you move on up. My daughter’s good friend Ryan Boyle is one of the country’s best Lacrosse players. He is full of confidence because he knows he is better than the other players…and he calmly plays his game with the grace of a winner…not cocky, just confident. His team just made the playoffs in part due to his game.

But what happens when you lose. Does the confidence meter empty all at once? No…it bleeds out like a small leak in your gas tank…misting out at first and as miles go by and further losses occur…the hole gets bigger and the confidence leaks faster. So, how do you get it back?

Go back to basics my negative friend. Don’t try to win the next game with a home run off of the best pitcher alive. Just go for a single and gain some confidence little by little. Lose in business and take it hard, sure, but don’t give up. And don’t think you can make all your loss of positivity back at one time. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeasy. Or something like that. Just stay in the game and keep trying. The next thing you know…a small win happens. And then maybe another one.

Put a string of small wins together and you start to believe again.

It’s been a year since my books came out and neither one is a Best Seller. Neither one won an award from the programs to which we nominated them. Slippage of confidence? What if we were wrong…and the books suck? But wait…first came a great review…and then later a wonderful comment on AMAZON.COM from a complete stranger. Next there were radio shows with loud response from hosts who enjoyed our participation. Then came more reviews and more radio shows…and some TV…and then an article in a National Magazine. Oh, the confidence started to soar a bit. And now speaking engagements have been booked and completed across the country. Soon there will be speeches before larger business audiences and from that a chance for larger engagements. More exposure means more potential for sales, speeches and consulting arrangements.

I feel like a kid again when my Mom and Aunt Kate always laughed at my antics. I feel so giddy now I think we might just get to the Best Seller List after all. If confidence counts…we are almost there.

• Posted: 29 April 2008
• Comments: 1
• Category: Business success

Comments